camarogrl86's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crazy Changes...CRAZY!! Current Song: "Fall For You" - Secondhand Serenade This time last year, I hadn't eaten much in about 3 weeks. Once a day if I was lucky. After the wreck on 11/6/11, I couldn't bear the thought of doing anything. As I began moving past it, it covered the pain I felt inside while my heart tried to tear itself in two different directions. Last Thanksgiving was a quiet one. I remember texting Colin, telling him I was thankful to have a friend like him there for me those weeks. Sage had to urge me to hit send, I was so nervous. Who knew that by the weekend I'd have spilled my heart and soul out over ten hours of conversation. Even Mr. Quiet himself sat in a racing seat and poured out much of his life to me. Something he did for no one else. That's when he truly realized I was something different, and I opened the dam by admitting to him what was going on in my heart and mind. That night, after a visit to 'Mexico', the secret street racing spot, he quietly told me not to ruin my life. I silently wondered if I was ruining it or taking control of it. When I got home, I sent a message saying that I hoped our friendship wasn't ruined. He admitted later on that if we hadn't ended up together, he would've backed out of the local car group and disappeared from my life. The Monday after we talked for half a day, he admitted that it wasn't one-sided. He'd had something for me since the day he met me, but never imagined it'd go anywhere. I was taken, he was fine alone. The part I couldn't let go was never knowing - if I tried to forget it (which I doubt would've happened), I'd always wonder about it. It was a huge leap, and at the bottom it would either be pillows and feathers, or spikes and barbs. Luckily, the pillows and feathers were at the bottom of the unknown. This year, we are having a quiet, somewhat untraditional Thanksgiving dinner together - filet mignon, homemade mashed potatoes, green beans, homemade bread, stuffing. We've booked a cabin in Pigeon Forge, TN for our 1 year anniversary (December 6). It has been an experience. One that has been so right. It still scares him at times - he never wanted to live with any past girlfriends, never thought about marrying any of them. He never felt like this for any, never loved any and couldn't imagine life without them. He says I'm the last chance he has - if we fall apart, he's done with relationships because nothing will compare. I look forward to our future experiences together, and have truly enjoyed this past almost-a-year together. Sometimes you don't see things coming. It is hard as hell and feels like you can't or won't survive at first, and then you fall into where you should be an are happy, content, and can't imagine what life would be like if it hadn't gone the way it did. 5:15 p.m. - 2012-11-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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